


His Color

by iscatterthemintimeandspace



Series: Writer's Club Prompts [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gabriel's not quite there yet, Gen, He's not comfortable using female pronouns yet, I'm sorry if I fucked it up, Trans! Gabriel, Transgender, Transitioning, Transphobia, i tried guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iscatterthemintimeandspace/pseuds/iscatterthemintimeandspace
Summary: Red had never been Gabriel Novak’s color.Written for the Unnatural Writers Club on SPN AminoPrompt: Red Lipstick





	

Red had never been his color.

Gabriel Novak had never felt right in his body, as long as he could remember. Even as a small child, he’d always felt like he was different. He never wanted to play with the trucks or GI Joes that were pushed his way, instead preferring the kitchen playset and dolls that belonged to his sister. He had always hated the blue and green clothes his mother had forced onto him, and he threw tantrums every time they tried to cut his hair.

When his parents refused to buy him the clothes he wanted, even after all his tears and pleading, he had to resort to taking Anna’s, stealing things from her drawers whenever he had the chance. His parents had stopped fighting him after the first couple times he put them on. It was easier for them to just give in and let their son dress how he wanted as long as it was inside the house, than fight with him every day. The disapproving looks that followed him whenever he came out of his room wearing his sister’s hand-me-downs never went away. 

Unlike other kids who saved their allowance for toys and baubles, Gabriel saved up to go to the thrift store and buy himself the dresses and skirts he wanted, even if he could only wear them around the house. As soon as he got home from school, he stripped himself of the scratchy tshirts and shorts, and slipped into the pinks and yellows of how he felt inside; soft, pretty dresses and frilly pink blouses suited him better anyway. He played with his dolls in his room, and felt right if only until tomorrow. 

His parents thought it was a phase, always praying that it would pass, but Gabriel’s sense of wrongness only got worse as he got older, and his body began to change. He could no longer pass for a girl as his voice deepened, and his adam’s apple grew. He tried to be a boy, he really did, but his soul wouldn’t comply. He never felt comfortable in the clothing that society deemed “boy clothes,” never felt right in the way his chest looked, like a cage he couldn’t get out of. He wasn’t a boy, no matter the body he was born with. He was a girl, even if no one else saw it. 

He was fifteen years old when he heard the word transgender for the first time. His best friend Charlie had just come out as a lesbian and Gabriel was doing research so he could support her the best he could. The word looked foreign on the page, and he couldn’t help but click it, something inside him urging him on. 

His breath caught in his throat as he began to read. Finally, he knew there was a word for what he was, and more importantly, he wasn’t the only one like him. There were hundreds if not thousands of people who had been born in the wrong bodies, and even some who made the transition into the bodies and genders they were on the inside. It felt as if a new world had been opened to him, and he stayed up until 3 a.m. reading everything he could get his hands on. 

Just knowing there were options for him made him sleep soundly for the first time in years.   
Whatever his feelings of well-being, his parents clearly didn’t agree. His father stayed quiet about it, supportive in his own way, but his mother was a different story. Gabriel came home from school one day to find all his clothing, the dresses and blouses and skirts he’d painstakingly collected over the years with his own hard-earned money burning in their fireplace. She grounded him from shopping alone, and made him stop taking odd jobs, effectively and ruthlessly cutting him off from what had become his lifeline. 

Despite the terrible sinking feeling he had, he tried to hold onto the hope that maybe he wouldn’t always be a ‘him.’

The first time he went out dressed like woman, he took Charlie with him. He was eighteen years old and freshly moved out of his parents’ house, drunk on being able to dress and act like who he was inside. It wasn’t a particularly special outing, but one that would help him be comfortable in his own skin, until he could start on estrogen. For someone who had been told he had to hide who he was, even a trip to the make-up counter at Macy’s felt like an earth shattering event. 

Gabriel almost chickened out when the first man gave him a disgusted look, but Charlie put her hand in his, and snarled at the man. Still, he couldn’t help the sick feeling that grew in his stomach with every step. 

“You put your chin up, Gabby,” she whispered in his ear, squeezing his hand. “You have as much of a right to be here as he does,” 

Gabriel did, straightening his back and marching through the ladies department with all the determination he could muster. He didn’t realize he was trembling until he put his hands on the counter. 

The woman behind it looked up from what she was doing. She didn’t shy away or look disgusted like the man when they walked in, just gave him a comforting smile. 

“How can I help you, miss?” 

Just like that, with six words, Gabriel felt a little more comfortable than when they had walked in. He returned her smile, barely containing his excitement. 

“C-can I see the lipstick please?” he asked. 

She smiled again, showing her white teeth. “Of course, sweetie. I have a new shade that’s going to look great on you,” 

Gabriel had to agree later, when he tried on the red lipstick she had given him, feeling every inch the woman he had always known he was. 

Red had never been Gabriel’s color, but it suited Gabrielle perfectly.

**Author's Note:**

> A special thanks to my friends Chris and Sirius for reading this over and giving me ideas and feedback.


End file.
